One of the proudest innovations in the world of law has to be the modern "terms of service". A combination of cover your arse and the customer comes last, it frequently seems like a contest of the longest TOS wins.
Most of us just find it easier to believe a company wouldn't do anything that bad - at least until we stumble on one that's particularly insane, and then we're like:
Without further ado, here's a few I found that seem especially silly. Enjoy! 😁
Meetup gets really real
Using our Platform involves meeting real people and doing real things in the real world, which can sometimes lead to unexpected situations. We can’t control what happens in the real world, and we are not responsible for it. You should use common sense and good judgment when interacting with others.
YouTube explains how the Internet works
You understand that when using the Service, you will be exposed to Content from a variety of sources, and that YouTube is not responsible for the accuracy, usefulness, safety, or intellectual property rights of or relating to such Content.
AllState explains how the Internet doesn't work
Third parties are authorized to include active links on Web sites they control to direct a browser to Allstate's "home page" at https://www.allstate.com. However, third parties may not include on their Web sites links to any other page maintained on the allstate.com Web site unless they have received prior written permission of an officer of Allstate or unless the Linking Site is an Internet search engine.
US Bank can't recover from a system outage
In the event of a system failure or interruption, including but not limited to acts of god, your data may be lost or destroyed. Any transactions that you initiated, were in the process of completing, or completed before a system failure or interruption should be verified by you through means other than online to ensure the accuracy and completeness of those transactions. You assume the risk of loss of your data during any system failure or interruption and the responsibility to verify the accuracy and completeness of any transactions so affected.
McDonald's app can only be used in a parking lot
Whenever you use the online services, you must obey the rules of the road and all applicable rules and regulations. You must not use the online services while driving or while behind the wheel or controls of a vehicle that is moving or not in “park”.
Verizon only has a minute to spare
If you drop a call in your Coverage Area, redial. If it's answered within 5 minutes, call us within 90 days if you're a Postpay customer, or within 45 days if you're a Prepaid customer, and we'll give you a 1–minute airtime credit.
Facebook disregards reality
Protecting people's privacy is central to how we've designed our ad system.
Having a job where you're in a race to simultaneously limit customer's rights while increasing a company's rights, both to the fullest extent allowed by the law, must be a strange experience indeed.
One site trying to make TOS easier to understand is Terms of Service; Didn't Read (GitHub). Who knows, maybe they'll bring some order to the chaos.